I made a comic for LA Zine Fest, but then didn’t print it out in time. Rats.
Anyway, it’s online now for your reading… curiosity, I guess? I won’t go so far as to say “pleasure.” It’s about rats. Rats.

I made a comic for LA Zine Fest, but then didn’t print it out in time. Rats.

Anyway, it’s online now for your reading… curiosity, I guess? I won’t go so far as to say “pleasure.” It’s about rats. Rats.

Look, I’m a webcomic artist now. Is there anything I can’t do? What’s that? Most things, you say? Ah yes, now I remember. Thank you.

Look, I’m a webcomic artist now. Is there anything I can’t do? What’s that? Most things, you say? Ah yes, now I remember. Thank you.

danieldanielblog:

BROOMSHAKALAKA (An interesting gift idea)

From the minds of Justin Becker and Steve Clemmons.  Great job everybody who worked on this.  

Christmas* has come early**! Written by myself and Steve Clemmons, directed by the Daniels, and produced by Becca Kinskey.

*A super weird fake infomercial for Adult Swim
**Very early- it airs at 4am

'Ere's a silly thing forya.

'Ere's a silly thing forya.

I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!
It took almost three and a half years of constant work, but I finally found a cartoon character that had not been drawn smoking weed. I was walking through the grocery aisle of my local convenience store when it appeared to mine wondering eyes like something from a dream: the Vlasic pickle stork. Of course! Here, at long last, was a character that could stand shoulder to shoulder with the greats, your Tweety Bird smoking a bong, your Papa Smurf lighting a joint, your Phillie Phanatic shoving a hash brownie into his nose mouth.
It is with great pride I present to you the “Kronic Stork.” If you would like to buy a t-shirt, I will be down at Venice Beach with a dirty cardboard box full of them. Just look for the happiest guy on the boardwalk.
Cheers,
Justin Becker, 
March 2013

I DID IT! I FINALLY DID IT!

It took almost three and a half years of constant work, but I finally found a cartoon character that had not been drawn smoking weed. I was walking through the grocery aisle of my local convenience store when it appeared to mine wondering eyes like something from a dream: the Vlasic pickle stork. Of course! Here, at long last, was a character that could stand shoulder to shoulder with the greats, your Tweety Bird smoking a bong, your Papa Smurf lighting a joint, your Phillie Phanatic shoving a hash brownie into his nose mouth.

It is with great pride I present to you the “Kronic Stork.” If you would like to buy a t-shirt, I will be down at Venice Beach with a dirty cardboard box full of them. Just look for the happiest guy on the boardwalk.

Cheers,

Justin Becker,

March 2013

Out, out, brief candle.

Out, out, brief candle.

BABYTALK - watch more funny videos

I wrote a video that my good friend Elisha Yaffe directed. It was her first time directing and I think she did a pretty bang up job. Starring the incomparable Anne Gregory and the comparably incomparable Davey Johnson.  

I just put this REAL Aaron Sorkin MEMORABILIA on EBAY.

Act NOW and you can BUY IT/SUE ME!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=110917856145

High Schoolers: Please Steal This Essay

Justin Becker III

Language Arts Group C

7/14/12

Dictionary.com defines “assignment” as “something assigned, as a particular task or duty.” For my “assignment” to write “a well-written, five-paragraph essay, comparing and contrasting our class novel, To Kill a Mockingbird, with another story of your choice (that is at least 30 pages long),” I have chosen to write about the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime for Game Cube because it is 31 pages long if you include the “Warranty & Service Information” (which I did). I will compare and contrast narrative elements, theme, and primary conflict to prove that To Kill a Mockingbird and the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime are very different books. Again, the assignment only said that the story had to be at least 30 pages, so you can’t say the booklet doesn’t qualify, because it is that. I’ll bring it in on Monday and show you.

Similar to the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime, To Kill a Mockingbird is narrated by a female. Scout Finch, the protagonist of the novel, tells her story using “I.” Unlike that, Samus Aran, the female protagonist of the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime, is described in the third person. For example, look at the following paragraph: “Samus’ most important tool is her suit, and it can provide her with a wealth of information by interfacing with various visors. Samus will start the game with two- the standard Combat Visor and the Scan Visor- but eventually she’ll use four, each of which can be accessed easily by pressing different directions on the + Control Pad.” The use of the pronoun “she” proves that this is in the third person.

Another difference between the pieces concerns the theme of each narrative. To Kill a Mockingbird is about the coexistence of good and evil, the importance of moral education, and the existence of social inequality. Contrarily, the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime is about how to use the power suit, how to use the ice beam, and how to save your game. They are similar in that they both are about how to “switch between modes,” but To Kill a Mockingbird is concerned with the change between youth and adulthood, while the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime is more focused on using the X button to switch between standard and Morph Ball modes.

To Kill a Mockingbirds primary conflict is “person vs. society,” whereas the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime’s primary conflict is “person vs. alien.”

In conclusion, this reader enjoyed the instruction booklet for Metroid Prime more than To Kill a Mockingbird due to its superior use of narrative elements, theme, and primary conflict. It is easy to see why Harper Lee only wrote one book, whereas there have been 12 Metroid games if you include Super Smash Bros (which I did.) For all these reasons, my essay is now complete.

And I thought my speech to the Milwaukee Cutlery Trade Expo was bad!

Ronald Sharpman stands on the stage at the Milwaukee Cutlery Trade Expo.

Well now, doesn’t everyone look well-dressed tonight? Or should I say “sharply” dressed? In seriousness though, it is an honor to be up here representing Sharpman’s Quality Knives. It has been a tough year for us, between my bitter divorce and the subsequent loss all of the company’s sharpening equipment to my ex-wife in the settlement. A lesser company would have folded, like a Swiss army knife, but not Sharpman’s. It is my great pleasure to introduce our new line of products- Dullman’s Flat Pieces of Metal with Handles.

From our new “Ridge-Less Nail Files” and “Letter Pokers” to our “Metal Bookmarks With Handles,” we have long, thin, unsharpened pieces of metal attached to pieces of wood for every occasion. Look at this one- you could maybe stick the metal part in the ground to, well, obviously it’s too narrow to dig with it, but maybe you could just leave it where you want to dig. Kinda mark the spot for later when you had a shovel or something. I guess I’m essentially describing a bookmark, but for dirt. Mmmm. Yeah, okay.

And what about our line of popular kitchen knives? We’ve re-imagined our best-selling cheese knife for a new era. Introducing the “Cheese Toucher.” The stainless-steel surface area is perfect for, you know… like touching the cheese. At the moment I can’t really think of why you’d- oh hey, look at the carrot peeler! Now it’s a “Carrot Massager!” That’s perfect for… I’ll come back to that one. The blender here, it kind of just throws things around. Someone at the office suggested calling it a “Food Agitator.” Mmmm… what else… what… else. I guess that’s it. We printed new business cards, but we couldn’t cut them up, so if anyone wants one really, really, big business card, I’ll be over by the bar. I mean “at” the bar. Actually, “under” the bar is probably more accurate. Oh hey, there’s another use for these things- you can give em to people who want to commit suicide and can’t be trusted with anything sharp. There’s no way they could kill themselves with one of these. Well, I guess I could swallow it. I mean, I guess “they” could swallow it.

He sighs. He goes to gather his display materials, but decides to just leave it there on stage.