Son, leave the dog alone for a moment and come have a sit down with your old pop. There’s a talk I think we’re long overdue for: the birds and the bees. Buddy, you’re body is going to be going through a lot of changes soon, and you’re going to have a lot of questions. You’re going to start noticing girls soon and it’s going to do funny things to your body. This is because of the bees. When a man sees a woman that he really likes, he gets excited, and the bees that live in his plums get agitated and they’ll start stinging the inside of your dangle, which causes it to swell and stand up straight. So in summary: dick bees. Women on the other hand, they have birds inside of their hoonaneys. When they see a fella that they fancy, the birds starts to flap its wings and melts the block of ice that it sits on, and the woman’s underwear gets all wet.  Now your mom, her bird died. Her ice block never thaws, no matter how hard you try, which is why she is such a frigid cunt. Does that make sense? Oh look, the dog threw up.